Time's Mistakes
by Error Cannot Reach Author
Summary: Sequel to "As Much As You May Hate Me". The characters musings about life after the end of the other story. Then hopefully will start to delve into Merthur. Some Gwen bashing. Sorry. Romance will probably be far off as well. Most likely.


**Sequel time for "As Much As You May Hate Me"**

**Disclaimer: I shall never own Merlin sadly enough.**

It's funny how people have always assumed that time was on their side. When in actuality, it was one of the most nerve wracking things in the entire world.

To simply state that time had never quite been in his favor, well that would a lie. Time had been there always. As a reminder. A promise. But even more so as the thing that brought him the most pain. Because all those days he spent longing for Arthur, even as Arthur paraded his happiness with his new queen, time had been the one to rub the salt in his wounds. Had it been a fling that Arthur had had for a week, Merlin could only imagine that it would not have hurt so bad.

Even now, with the queen long gone with the man she, for some reason loved more than her precious king, time had shown that time does not in fact heal all wounds. Be it his own, or the king's, try as they could they could not return to how they once were. But that in turn begged the simple question of whether he wanted to return to that point. Or even if he would like to redo his entire time with Arthur. To speak up sooner. To tell more secrets. To open his heart.

But to ask for that, would be like asking if he wanted to erase the Arthur that he had to come to love even more. And even when he was reeling with pain, he knew that the answer would be no. He had fallen in love with the king who put his people before himself and loved his queen with his whole heart in a time where it would not be uncommon to have a mistress or two on the side.

While he wouldn't say that those characteristics would just go away because some things played out differently in their life spans, it could not be denied that those experiences had left a distinct personality type that Merlin would be inclined to say only applied to Arthur. He could go on for hours talking about what a huge prat Arthur was, but deep down he would always return to the fact that Arthur was the best thing that could have possibly happened in his life. Though to be honest, Gaius And his mother tied for second, if not first with Arthur,

This train of thought always seemed to lead back to whether or not he was happy with who he had become. To be quite honest, which was something he seemed to have lost along the way, and not in his way of calling Arthur (or anyone really) out when they were obviously not thinking clearly. That was something that had always stayed with him. But honesty regarding the more important factors of his life. It scared him sometimes how he was so used to lying about his powers.

But that wasn't what scared him the most about himself. The fact that he had grown so brutal when having to deal with Arthur's enemies was something he never would have wanted to feel. Yes some compassion still resided in him, but after so many trials he found himself thinking how much easier it would be if he completely tore down the enemy so they had no chance of ever coming after them again.

Sometimes he had to remind himself of the fine line between stupid mistakes and ill intentions. Especially concerning with what happened with Gwen. While it wasn't like she had made a claim for Arthur's life, she had torn away what happiness that he had. He had to keep reminding himself of the fact. Not to say that was the only reason why he hadn't gone to ensure she never return in front of Arthur, he knew that the king , however hurt he was, would still never wish her ill. So out of respect for him, he could stop himself.

Well Merlin supposed there was one thing he could still claim about himself, though not exactly something he was proud of, no matter how powerful he was he still felt pain. And he supposed that was his assurance that he was still human.

**A/N: Well sorry don't know how this turned out. Or if I even really flowed with the whole time theme. If not, the next chapters will deal with it more. It also seemed more dark than I was originally planning _ Sorry about that. Though I suppose it didn't leave off at the best of times. Anyway please review! And/(preferably not or) favorite/follow. With love, Error.**


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